#and i've actually thought about sharing fic with people irl

[darlingdaisyfarm]

You know I've been meaning to ask.. is everything okay? I mean your pfp is blank. I understand you're uploading, but I also want to make sure you're okay

idk if i have some mental connection with you, anon, because how else i can explain that you sent this ask right when i felt so bad??? but yeah i should really put a pfp, i just can’t choose the right pic and at same time im lazy….

honestly i promised myself i wouldn’t vent online and irl because i don’t wanna be annoying or be the kind of person people get tired of. but i guess i just feel emotional rn sorry again

well 2025 kinda kicked me in the face already LMAO, it already reminded me that some people will always pick someone else and some things are just not meant to be yours. i just got reminded once again that i’m super replaceable to person i really loved and cared about. so now im realising that i was just there to pass the time until they found smth better, someone better. and they did, they did and that’s just unfair for me, i literally loved this person for 10 years and that's how i ended up

not exactly the fresh start i was hoping for lol

been feeling like a ghost in my own life lately so i guess i made this blog to just be somewhere, to talk to people, to share things i love, to feel like i exist in some small way. to find friends? idk. sometimes i wonder if i’m just taking up space here, but deleting this blog feels dramatic so whatever. although i thought bout this a lot and still think about it, but i guess im just being... yeah, dramatic, i mean i am, ive been told. so, i don't know, deleting feels rude ? and i don’t wanna be rude, i hate being rude :( i still hesitate every time i post though. and i don’t want to be that person who craves reassurance but damn, it gets lonely and im embarrassed to even say that rn

+ last year drained me so much that i couldn’t even start anything for a whole month. its about my work, i just felt stuck, exhausted before i even tried. things are getting better now with my work, though. it’s actually tied to people and honestly, i love that?? i mean, i love people very much. in general. so whenever i meet someone kind or understanding in my work, it lifts my mood

but when it comes to writing or fics, i feel like i’m always fighting myself. actually i enjoy writing, ive been writing since… 14? 13? so i try, i push through, but nothing ever feels right lately. i don’t know if it’s just a phase or if this is how it’s always going to be. why i always feel like i could’ve done better or that maybe i shouldn’t have posted at all

anyways….. i don’t usually post stuff like this. i really don’t want to be like this, i hate sounding so negative, i really do. i promised myself i wouldn’t. i usually just keep things to myself, but you seemed like you genuinely cared, sweetheart and i figured i might as well be honest, i appreciate your worry! thank u sm angel! ♡

[olderthannetfic]

Obvious Disclaimer that this is not about any specific anon in particular, not about OTNF themself, but that my following rant might *slightly* punch down on people who ARE, well, older than net fics are.

But my honest opinion is that I really don’t like it when us old heads tend to sorta…talk down to? “Adultsplain”, if that’s even a thing? To The Gen Zs, by being like “damn kids! back in my day we never used our real name or posted selfies or posted about our personal life at all!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of those people who never posted the real me — but not because I was anonymous and cared about online safety, because I was a liar 😂 That being said, there ARE older people who definitely over-shared or “doxxed” themselves and still do, and there’s younger people who don’t!

I also feel like being “ha, these stupid KIDS who post about their FANDOM LIFE on TIK TOCK under their REAL NAME AND FACE where IRLS CAN SEE THEM, how STUPID” is not doing anyone any favors. Is that, technically, a smart thing for kids to do? No. Has it become normalized? Yes. And does that suck for people who might be bullied or outed or whatever cuz they genuinely are dumb and don’t know better and then someone they don’t like sees their stuff? Yes.

We all talk about how there’s no more kids spaces on the internet and how that’s a shame, but then five seconds later we’ll reblog that one “At any time I’m at risk of seeing a 14 year olds opinion and that’s why I hate it here” post. There’s really so few kid spaces on the net now, that’s true. We should extend empathy and let the teens be obnoxious and pretentious in peace, rather than making it a point to “ratio” or “roast them.” Idk personally I’d be completely unbothered if some 14 year old insulted my fic or my ship or whatever. I’d just block and move on, no need to try to argue with them.

And also, not all kids are even pretentious or obnoxious! I’m not saying we all need to take the kids under our wings, but we should be careful about not hating them just for being in their teens years, you know?

Also… telling a teenager to not post PII or not get into discourse or not have social media or whatever will NOT work the way you want it to 😭 kids are by default a little bit oppositionally defiant so telling some rando teen to Get Off Your Lawn (blog) rather than just blocking them, will encourage said teen to Stay On Your Lawn.

I just hate how it’s become normal for adults to talk down to teens online. I was harassed by adults online as a kid, then years and years and years later i went through my own “Older Than You™️”phase where I myself was a shit to teenagers, and I truly regret that so much. To this day I still need to make an effort to be careful. I saw on Twitter where an adult posted a DM from a 13 year old, mocking them. The DM said “I’m 14 next year, can I follow you? Please don’t groom me.” And the adult OP was laughing at how stupid the dm was. A few years ago, I would’ve been one of the people retweeting that and rolling my eyes at the child. Now im disgusted by the people who WERE laughing at them.

And again I’m obviously not saying we should be “nice” to the teenagers who mock us for our ships or who virtue signal too hard. But we also don’t need to make fun of their CARRDS or call them Puri-teens or rag on them just for being 17 or younger, yk?

--

Teens aren't 'puriteens' just for being young, dude. They have to also be puritanical bullies.

I find the stuff about real names hilarious because, actually, if you're really Internet Old™, then you probably did use your real name... it was right there in your university e-mail address! Or your random early ISP address if your stepdad got it for you and thought the university format was the default. Thanks, stepdad.

I've done every single dumb thing from going to meet my internet pen pal at an Alice Cooper concert to flying to Ireland from Japan to stay with a fandom friend I'd never met without telling anyone where I was going and without a credit card or enough cash to flee if I had to. I remember sitting on the plane thinking "Man, this is such a CSI episode topic".

The really funny part was that despite what she'd said before I visited, we ran into each of her parents at different times and ended up going to a play courtesy of her uncle, and all of them were like "So how do you know each other?" and "But you'd met before, right? RIGHT?!"

The level of panopticon is horrifying now. Teens have my sympathy. That part really is worse, and I think it's driving an entire generation nuts and we're going to see even more shit about people wanting to run away and live in a cabin in the woods with no internet. But in general, I don't think we're so different.

[verdantglow]

Guys. Guys the smalletho brain rot is ramping up again. I spent the last two weeks in a flare from hell & have been listening to my Spotify Wrapped Top 100 almost every day & a solid SIXTY-FOUR of the tracks on there are just my Life Series smalletho playlist & my Retail Purgatory AU smalletho playlist & I have been semi-consciously rotating them in my mind, day after day, & I just. I need to start actually navigating the line between 'want to keep details of RPAU to myself so they are surprising in fic' & 'I want to post every single detail I've decided so far just so I can at least scream them into the tumblr void instead of inside my mind.'

I think I should probably just stick that line along whether or not things are actually part of the plot of the fic or just things that come up, because, honestly, I know so many things about this AU. So many.

Like.

Joel is tumblr famous. He's been on the site for ages & his blog consists of a combination of shitposting, clapbacks, & the most absurdly artistic photos of his excruciatingly well crafted models of mini scenes.

No one online knows who runs the blog & no one IRL knows that Joel has a massive online following & is actually a big name artist in the mini scene modeling sphere. Ren & Martyn actually both follow him & straight up do not know it's him. Like. They don't even know that's a hobby Joel has.

Grain & Jimmy both vaguely know that Joel does some kind of mini making & posts about it online & people seem to give him money for it sometimes??? (He sells most of the models he makes online & also has a semi-lucrative Patreon.) Grian's never cared to dig further into that aspect of Joel's life. Jimmy tried to find Joel's tumblr years ago, but got so overwhelmed trying to figure tumblr out & saw so many things he very much did not understand nor particularly need to know existed that he never tried to find it again.

Scott knows about Joel's tumblr. Joel does not know that Scott knows.

At some point along the timeline of the fic/post-fic, Etho accidentally reveals Joel's secret tumblr life to some of their friends, not realizing it was so much of a secret.

Joel is ranting to Scott & Lizzie about this & Scott is just like, "Oh, was that a secret?"

"YOU KNEW?!"

"Yeah, for a while. Joel, your hands are in every one of your videos."

"But you've never mentioned it!"

"I thought you just didn't like to talk about it."

"...Do you at least follow me?"

"Mmmm, no. I get plenty of your belligerent humor in person, thank you."

Guys. I know the tiers in Joel's Patreon. I know the costs & rewards for all four of them. I have multiple pages written about all the Apple Geniuses & what their alignments as Geniuses are & what having them help you in an appointment is like. I know what stores characters that aren't in the Life Series & might Never Appear in this fic work at. I know what sort of video games Etho & Joel play in this AU. I know the layout of Etho's apartment. I know what's in the medicine cabinet at Etho's apartment.

I need to start sharing some of this or I am legit going to explode.

[littlemissmanga]

The Bad Batch Finale - Thoughts and Thanks

Before I get into spoiler territory, I want to say the most sincere "thank you" I've ever mustered to this fandom.

I've been in fan spaces before, going back almost 15 years - most of that on Tumblr, to boot. I've been in inactive fandoms, small fandoms, big fandoms and "we're watching new episodes together in real time" fandoms ...

And none of them have ever given this sense of community and support. Ever.

There really is something special about The Clone Wars/Bad Batch fans, even within the Prequel lovers or Star Wars fans in general that breeds this kind of sentiment. It's truly unique and I found it at a time in my life when I was the most isolated physically from my support network and struggling to make new friends and connections IRL.

I cannot express in words just how much you all saved me with your validation and support.

The Shades of Blue series was the first fanfic I actually felt comfortable leaving a comment for on Tumblr, and the amazing @the-rain-on-kamino's kind and loving reaction gave me the courage to start writing fanfiction again. Not only that, but actually sharing it for the first time in years.

And after that, everyone else came in one at a time. From @deejadabbles and @sev-on-kamino's delightful, rabid and enabling reactions to my unhinged thots, to @wings-and-beskar supporting my unhealthy Wrecker obsession, to @l-lend being an absolute example of how to engage and interact in fan spaces to make room for everyone, to @wild-karrde, our bastion of supportive engagement and creative celebration (and a kickass writer in her own right) ... you all helped me come out of my shell in ways I can't express in words besides thank you.

@dystopicjumpsuit, @freesia-writes. @anxiouspineapple99, @dickarchivist, @wizardofrozz @523rdrebel

@starrylothcat @starqueensthings @the-bad-batch-baroness @multi-fan-dom-madnessand @moonlightwarriorqueen

You all have listened to my rambles, thoughts, and vent sessions - whether about fandom stuff or not - and I hope I've been able to return a fraction of that support.

@daimyosprincess, girl you get a whole special shoutout for the levels of depravity you encourage my thots to get to :D

And there are so many more!! People I may not talk to frequently (cause sending DMs gives me anxiety), but I see you commenting, liking, reblogging when I post and posting your own amazing writing or art for me to moon over.

@cyarbika, @madameminor, @spacemagicandlaserswords @merkitty49 @vodika-vibes

@kimiheartblade @nika6q @arcsimper5

@soaringthroughthegalaxy @sunshinesdaydream @sinfulsalutations and so so many more.

THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART

I'll still be around simping after our favorite clones. I hope you'll keep joining me.

Now, on to the spoilers!

I have to say overall, I like this conclusion. It's the happy ending we wanted, but if feels earned. I love that the boys got to grow old in peace with Omega. I love that their dedication to one another is reaffirmed and upheld as the strength it is, rather than - as Hemlock saw it - a weakness to exploit. And I loved that last little scene. It felt like a fanfic and I say that lovingly. It felt like the writers and animators put together the fic we all know would have happened if they left the ending on that fadeout of the Batch next to the tree on Pabu. And that felt like a kiss on the forehead as a fan.

Now here's what I didn't like.

I didn't like that they clearly rushed the end. Pacing wise, there were so many moments that were slowed down so you can feel the emotional impact ... but the editing of the scenes around them made this slower pace a mistake to me.

Like when Echo and Omega are sending Emerie and the kids away ... they all hug and take time to talk about their plan. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TIME. We know Hemlock has the others. We know Tarkin is on his way. YOU DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS SCENE TO HAPPEN HERE and Echo of all people would be on that, moving everyone along as he is trained to do. It feels artificial because we go from high intensity and fast paced to slow and dragging when nothing from the fast paced scene had been resolved. I think this could have been different if the scene with the kids in the hanger came before the Batch gets in to the hanger and knocked out. It would be a break from the fast pace of the Zillo escape, but without the immediate urgency of a rescue weighing over them (and us! I was having heart palpitations!). It also would then match the tone and sentiment of the scene between Hunter, Wrecker and Crosshair in the woods ("Omega needs all of us.").

These pacing issues are editing issues, and I think we're really seeing how post-production was truncated to get this out on time (or possible pre-production and storyboarding was truncated). I hate that production studios are making this practice more common to cut costs. We will wait longer for better quality storytelling.

My final example of this is Crosshair's story resolution. It doesn't happen. He still thinks he deserves to die on Tantiss (the sentiment from S3 Ep1) and even though Hunter and Wrecker tell him otherwise, we don't know if he internalizes that. And his climax is about trusting Omega to know what to do to take the shot. But Crosshair has (in this season) shown he always trusts Omega. It would have been better if his hand was still shaking and Hunter said "Omega trusts you. You'll make this shot." so that the external conflict for Crosshair is resolved by resolving his internal conflict and trusting himself as his family does. And it would leave Hunter's climax the same - trusting Omega as an competent member of the team.

It just feels rushed. Or like an abstract painting that almost looks like a real object, but just a little blurry. They almost stuck a perfect landing, but just missed the mark a bit.

I also hate how this means Wrecker gets fuck all resolution. The entire last episode was a really intriguing challenge for him. He knows Cross is off his game and Hunter is getting desperate and reckless again ... just as he is almost entirely knocked out of the fight from an injury. Him, the strong one. That should have been a great moment of growth for him. That he doesn't keep going because he always can -- which is very much how he comes across in TCW S7 and TBB S1 -- but that he actively makes himself the strong one, the supportive one, because that's what his family needs.

But no, we didn't get that. We didn't get any insight into Wrecker at all, despite him being the one to free his brothers enough for them to save Omega (and he saved Echo, too!). And then he doesn't speak again, though we see how banged up he is. I get it was less of a focus throughout the series, but man they didn't need to sideline my husband like that.

And finally, Tech.

Look, I may be delulu, but contextually, there was plenty of evidence that CX-2 was Tech. From speech and mannerisms to his blatant disregard for orders, to the seemingly personal level he took his missions.

But it's more than that - why show us this big tense moment of him breaking onto Phee's ship, which the focus being on Phee sensing him near? Why not just have that in the dialog with Hemlock the way Cid's confession was? That would have saved so much time that could have been put elsewhere. Why have such a focus on him in the marketing?

I'm not mad that Tech is dead. Let me make that clear. The showrunners said from the start they killed Tech to prove there are real, lasting consequences to characters' decisions. And I can respect that. And I can understand and appreciate the interpretation that CX-2 wasn't meant to rep Tech, but rather what the Empire can turn clones into, a threat to them all not just in the danger CX-2 poses, but the danger if they get caught.

And that's fair ... but then it could (and should have) been any and every CX trooper to fit that bill. There was no need to waste time and attention on one in particular.

And to be, that also ignores the clear wall of contextual and subtextual evidence that a reveal was planned. The posters are a great example.

Here is the Batch in the final poster:

And here is CX-2

He's standing at Crosshair's right, just out of frame. The lighting matches and he's even looking up to the right just like the rest of his brothers. The line of light cutting his left side even matches the one cutting above Crosshair's right side.

All the other posters showing Bad Batch adversaries has them lit more darkly or in shadow and has unique posing and positioning that do not reflect our heroes.

Why are we styling a brainwashed clone like one of the Batchers artistically? That's a weird choice.

I think the some big wigs wanted him back and others didn't want to water down the impact of his death and we're seeing that confusion and conflict on screen, when we really shouldn't. IDK if Disney was pushing it or the showrunners but either way, going halfsies and changing your mind (and impacting the resolutions we got because of it) is not a good look, especially from a studio like Disney/Lucasfilm. I'm not blaming Dave or Jen wholly, but we the audience should never be able to see the writer's room when we watch, and that's all I was able to see with this.

(My own husband was like "we are supposed to think that's Tech, right?" and he's not really a Bad Batch fan, he just indulges me.)

Alright, that's all I got. I'm happy with how my comfort show ended, I'll write fanfic to cover the pieces I don't agree with personally, and I'll remain ever grateful and supportive of the community who gave me this most precious gift.

I love you all.

And may the force be with you.

[sapwine-and-starcharts]

A Love Letter to the Fandom

So i've been trying to learn something from the Outer Wilds OST to play on the Webfishing Guitar again and ouuughhh

I have not actually played the game in MONTHS. My first ever serious playthrough was in 2020 ish and I replayed the whole thing as research for my fics a few months ago and when I tell you that the OST still makes me WILDLY emotional.

Listening to so many of my fav tracks, looking at medleys, researching guitar tabs so I can pick them apart and piece them back together, and STILL Riebecks Banjo gets me every time. Literally cannot hear a single banjo twang without getting misty-eyed.

It makes me wanna get all sappy and emotional about this game and everything it means to me

So I will <3

This game's fandom has been some of the most welcoming and sincere people I have ever met.

There are people on discord who've helped me come out of my shell (You know who you are I hope <3). I usually just join a server to lurk before ultimately putting it in a folder to never look at again but these people...

They encouraged me, thought the things I shared were worth something even when I'd feel low about my art or writing. I made friends, people I enjoy talking to which is a FEAT because my social anxiety is so bad I can barely reach out to my irls anymore.

There are people on AO3 whose comments kept me writing. There are people on tumblr who inspire me with their art every day.

Im genuinely so happy that I refound the game when I did because with it I also found community and acceptance and it changed me for the better i think.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone in the Outer Wilds fandom who has been there for me.

I love y'all and im sorry for getting so emotional on this silly lil side of mine.

<3

PS. This is the medley that made me sit down and write this btw. Give it a listen because it is BEAUTIFUL

[lilybecca1]

Hi, can I call you, Lili or Becca (or both)? I found you blog and love your BKDK metas! Thanks for sharing them.... As someone who shipped BakuDeku since 2019, you can't imagine how happy I am that at the end of BNHA, we can have so many canon moments of Bakugou and Midoriya.

See, I just got some rude message that said, "how can I ship BKDK when Kirishima have more positive relationship to Bakugou", "Izuku is not that important to Bakugou" and "Bakugou should get bad ending for all bad stuff that he did to Midoriya". Like, are we reading the same BNHA? How can you not see how special the bond between Izuku and Katsuki, right?

Sorry for this random ask. Actually, I'm kinda worried and excited for the extra 60 pages of BNHA, but how about you?

Hi there! You can call me both, I don't mind which one 😊 and thank you for reading them! I've always loved and wanted to share my thoughts and views on them and spread bkdk religion like I'm a messiah 😂 and I'm so happy to be in this community with people who see them the way I do because irl noone likes them and I can't rant to anyone about them 🤣

And yeah, I completely agree with you, like no offense to bkdk antis, but are we reading the same manga?? Like, "Kirishima and Bakugo have a better relationship", but why? Cause he took his hand that one time they saved Bakugo? Or cause he tolerates him better than anyone else? I mean yeah, they're friends, in their own way, and maybe they had a better relationship than bkdk back in the old days but the manga has come a loooong way since then. Maybe Bakugo and Midoriya's relationship was more than rocky in the beginning, and it seemed like Bakugo hated him way more than he did Kirishima, but it wasn't the whole truth and it was never about hating him. It wasn't exactly a positive relationship, which I understand why people didn't like it, but no one can disagree on the fact that they had a more special bond than with anyone else.

So okay, in the first half of the manga, you might have needed to look closer at them to see the nature of their bond, but after?? Dude, that guy sacrificed himself for Midoriya, he ran to him in the hospital, he called out to him before his death, he freaking told him he wants to be on his heels for the REST OF HIS LIFE. Like have these people only read the first half of the manga? Cause I can't imagine how they could have read the whole manga and still say that they have a bad relationship. Those people are so adamant on hating on that ship that they don't even WANT to see the positive aspects to it. It's like they chose to be a hater on Day 1 and simply refuse to change their mind and they straight up ignore all the evidence on bkdk as a whole. But then, I want to ask these people, how tf did they read the manga and watch the anime properly if they ignored 50% of it? Cause we have to admit, half of the manga is literally just about the relationship of Bakugo and Deku. So if they hate BKDK, then they must hate MHA as well, no? And if that's the case, then why are they still watching it? Why are they still watching something that they hate and then send rude comments and messages and ruin it for the people who actually like MHA and BKDK? Don't people know what "Don't like, don't read" means? Have we just forgotten about how to be respectful and how to mind our own business? Because to me it seems like they are only watching it to point out the bad stuff and then shove it in the fans' faces. Like "ha, see, I told you I was right, this ship is shit, how do you feel about yourself NOW"

And same with the fics. It's so sad to see people commenting rude things and make the author feel bad about something that they created themselves, after they put so much love and hard work into it. Those authors just wanted to share their passion and love with other people, why do haters have to ruin it for them and make them feel bad about it? They have no obligation to read it, but if they do then at least they could mind their own business and not ruin the experience for everyone else. And if they have any opinions, they can at least be respectful and keep it to themself.

And the other thing, what do they mean Bakugo should have gotten a worse ending? DUDE, he freaking DIED. How is there any worse ending for him than that?? He literally suffered the most in the whole manga, what more do people want to give to him? What, disability for the rest of his life cause he dared to hit Deku when they were children? I mean, he literally did get his hand partially torn off, plus had a disability for quite a while after that, so I'd say that was enough, his hand got enough karma. And yeah, he did tell Deku to jump, but again, he got karma for that too cause he literally died. Plus went through a ton of emotional turmoil. So people can cut him some slack I think. I also wrote about this in another post, you can check it out here if you'd like

And yeah ngl I'm a tiiiiny bit worried about those extra 60 pages. I mean Horikoshi probably won't put anything big in it, maybe just a few clarifications, but still, he COULD very well make or break bkdk. And Izuocha. Like all he needs is one extra panel to clarify that the snowfall scene with Uraraka and Deku was actually a date and boom, bye bye bkdk. Same thing vice versa. So, yeah, I'm kinda worried 😂 but I have faith in Horikoshi and I believe he's only going to clarify some confusing parts at most and reveal the ending of some of the characters that we didn't get to see, like what happened with Dabi etc. I wish he also put some extra pages on their life after Deku got the suit so we can see how Deku's life is as a part-time teacher and quirkless hero.

Hope this rant didn't turn out too long lmao. Thanks for the question tho as always 💚

[choicesficwriterscreations]

December Creator of the Month: Oh-So-Youre-a-Nerd

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists, and this month’s creator of the month is @oh-so-youre-a-nerd . We're very excited because Ascindio is our very first artist to be highlighted! We hope you will enjoy learning more about them and their work below! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog Instagram

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? 

Ascindio 

More below...

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played? 

I started playing in 2016, I can't remember if I read Endless Summer or Rules of Engagement first, but I ended up deleting the app after like 2 weeks cause I couldn't stop buying diamonds 😅🤦

I re-downloaded it about, ohh idk 2 years ago?

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined the Fandom specifically on Tumblr and specifically for It Lives Within, which happened to come out right after I read the first two books 

3- How did you pick your blog name? 

I always try to seem cool and mysterious when I meet people irl, and then as soon as I open my mouth, I ruin it with some niche trivia or something, and they say,  “Oh, so you're a nerd.” 😂 Can't tell you how many times this exact phrase has been uttered to me. 

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!  

This is the first Choices related post I made 😂 I was just thinking about the concept of what if characters make terrible decisions cause they're controlled by a player who is out of diamonds lol I was going to do a whole series of them (next was going to be lotr “fly on eagles to mordor?” *30 diamonds* or “simply walk”) but got lazy lol

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both? 

Only art. God, I  WISH  I wrote too. I've thought about trying cause I have so many ideas floating around in my head, but at the end of the day, I'd rather spend my free time drawing. 

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

For Choices, since early 2022

For other fandoms, since well, forever, but I only started posting around 2017/18

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

Favorite Choices book is probably It Lives in the Woods. All of the characters were so interesting, I never got bored reading it, and it had an incredible twist that made sense but I still didn't see coming. 

Favorite to create for is probably Blades of Light and Shadow though because I am such a sucker for the fantasy aesthetic.

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?.

This isn't the first Choices art I made, but it IS the first I actually shared

And honestly, I DO still like it because I still remember the way I felt absolutely POSSESSED while drawing it (I hadn't drawn anything for *months*). I would definitely change the background, though. Those trees look like shit, and they're not even the correct type for the kind of forest they're in. 

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created? 

My favorite Choices art I've done is probably this piece. 

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

I definitely didn't expect this one to do well at all as it was so hastily drawn

And I was sad this piece didn't get more love, it was such a dope scene and I was so excited about how the sword turned out

11- If you could only draw one style or type of art for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? 

I'm not sure if I'm interpreting the question right, but if I had to pick like a specific type of art, it would be digital, and I would want to do fan art. I have a hard time painting anything that I don't already have a deep connection with (so original art with no story behind it is usually a chore for me), and digital art is just so incredibly convenient and not messy and so so versatile. 

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

Because I use fiction as a way to safely process trauma/ grief/ other big emotions, each MC I make has a small part of me, whichever part I feel the need to explore at the time.

There's an amazing quote by Patrick Rothfuss that I feel explains it perfectly. 

It's from Wise Man's Fear

“These folk knew all about death. They killed their own livestock. They died from fevers, falls, or broken bones gone sour. Death was like an unpleasant neighbor. You didn’t talk about him for fear he might hear you and decide to pay a visit.

Except for stories, of course. Tales of poisoned kings and duels and old wars were fine. They dressed death in foreign clothes and sent him far from your door. A chimney fire or the croup cough were terrifying. But Gibea’s trial or the siege of Enfast, those were different. They were like prayers, like charms muttered late at night when you were walking alone in the dark. Stories were like ha’penny amulets you bought from a peddler, just in case.”

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

I have a very difficult time making the poses seem natural and flowing. My all time favorite art is Baroque/Renaissance style and how fluid the poses are, how soft the skin looks, how delicately it's all done. Obviously, I will always have my own style, but those are things that I so want to incorporate but never seem to get quite right, and it drives me crazy 😂

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

Not really. I mean, I have a ton of unfinished work, but as soon as the window of inspiration passes, I just can't get myself to care enough about it to finish it (insert Jake the Dog, “now it's gone, and I don't care about it anymore!” )

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first? 

I would, and have.  I typically show them whatever most rendered recent picture from my Instagram because I don't post any nsfw there and usually try to post only my prettier work for this specific reason haha. (As opposed to here, I post everything here, ain't NO ONE from real life invited to see my tumblr 😂)

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

Writers: Brandon Sanderson, for sure. He's the reason I got back into art back in 2017 ish. His stories are just so emotional they push me to create. Same with @saibug1022, there is always at least one scene from every story he shares that I desperately want to draw to try to capture the emotions. 

Artists: God, sooo many, here are just like my top 3 favorites and their instagrams.

Audra Auclair

Obsessed with her unique style, and specifically the way she draws eyelids and noses

f3lc4t

The way they draw those dripping, glowing wisps. I stare at their pieces for hours (no lie) trying to dissect them stroke by stroke to figure out how they do it.

Miho Hirano

Their art has a delicate whimsy-ness I would SELL MY SOUL to achieve 

17- Which one of your creations would you like to see a fiction written about? 

JC, this is the shit I DREAM of.

Definitely this one. 

So this is love.

This little comic means a lot to me. 

18- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art? 

Very rarely, but I do, every so often. This is my favorite original piece.

20-  What other hobbies do you have?

Gaming, singing, walking through the Cemetary with my wee daughter, reading, that's about it 🤷

21 - What’s your favorite emoji? 

🙇

22: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).

I really wanted to say that I don't believe in “good” art and “bad” art (just ethical vs non-ethical). That being said, I know what it's like to hate your art, like soooo intimately. If you ever are feeling shit about your art, you can ABSOLUTELY message me (I don't care if we're mutuals or not, I don't care if we've never interacted before) and just say, “I am feeling shit about my art” and I will go through your art and tell you every specific thing I love about it and why it's wonderful. I am not joking; I am so so serious rn. 💗💗💗💗 

[aziraphalianfangirl]

rant: my experience writing my first fic, doubts about smut and not wanting my characters to act ooc

firstly, i'm still heartbroken that my favourite ao3 author, who inspired me to start writing, deleted their account out of the blue while writing an amazing new fic AND I didn't download their main fic so yeah, i am literally mourning and just...trying not to think about it

one thing I love about some of the fics I read that inspire me is how long they are. the build up, the character growth, the moments and situations shared between the characters before we finally get to the SEXXXXX which makes it so much better and more satisfying (to me, but love short fics too.)

and here i was thinking i'd be able to write a long fic like this, full of character development and amazing dialogue similar to the show but alas, I only lasted 9 chapters before the first crush/attraction confession, 13 before the first kiss and 18 before the smut.

i feel so dissapointed in myself because in my head, these characters have been hanging out and sharing moments for years (me talking to myself all day pretending i'm talking to my fav lmao) and have banged 928364 times. why can't it be exactly like the head movies I fall asleep too?

on the other hand, one thing that frustrates me sometimes is waiting so long for that sex scene and it's just a couple of lines, nothing explicit (which is totally fine too, just not my thing) hence why i decided to write MY FANFIC with eveything I want to see, including explicit, long sex scenes. But I knew that in order for them to be satisfying, i would have to establish a story first, and i tried my best to, trying to bluid a narrative that was exciting and had satisfying and surprising moments, all coming from an unhinged scene of an argument inside a car and me desperately wanting to see my favs brought to life and bang lmao!!! so now here we are, finally at the smut chapter which I wrote much faster than i thought, and I am actually scared to post it because WHAT IF THIS AINT WHAT MY READERS WANTED? WHAT IF IT SEEMS OOC FROM THEM TO BANG SO SOON/HAVE THEIR FIRST TIME LIKE THIS?

I had an idea for their first time when I started writing this fic which would be vanilla at first but then went into light dom/sub during the sex. it made sense to me for the characters to be horny and making out and just before starting to have sex, naturally leaning into light bdsm stuff, because it was their first time together.

HOWEVER the smut i wrote, because of how the story progressed (it has a mind of its own), is gonna be full on dom/sub with spanking (no "normal vanilla" first time). it's still going to be slow at first with a lot of talking how i had planned it but there will be no "regular people having regular sex bc its the first time and only during it do they ask/do bdsm stuff"

Don't get me wrong, i will post the chapter anyway as I've always have thus far. I just needed to vent and share my thoughts, but since i can't talk about this with anyone irl, it helps to write them out.

I also had my first criticism comment a few days ago and it shook me a little. It was a perfectely fine comment, about my oc being out of character (which I couldn't help the poor reader with because my oc is based on ME, so if she seems ooc it's because the reactions I've had throughout my life and the ones i imagine myself having in the made up scenarios I put myself in APPEAR OOC so...am i bipolar? i don't think so, i'm only diagnosed with depression but i highly suspect im autistic-but i digress.)

anyway i took it as a compliment that they were criticizing my oc and not the way I write mycroft or sherlock. it made me feel good that people are invested in the story!! Despite not having a reply to my reply, i tried to push it away because i live to write and share this story, for the comments I get, and they have been positive so far. i literally gain serotonin and years of life when someone takes the time to comment and it makes me so happy

ALL THIS TO SAY:

I have self doubt about the way in which i am making my blorbos boink for the first time. What do you think? You don't have to read my fanfiction to give your opinion but I would love some advice love, an unhinged writer

[grumfield]

I'm not the same anon but I've recently been looking for some metas on consent in 2ha 😅. It's both for bettering my own understanding of the story through different perspectives and also for a 2ha fic i'm working on. Do you know any metas on this subject? or can you share your interpretation if that is okay with you? thanks!

I don’t know of any metas of the top of my head but I’d love to explain my own interpretation! I won’t go too much into overt spoilers but more just general vibe implications

2ha is like telling someone who’s being bit viciously by their dog that they’re a victim and while yes that’s technically true it’s then revealed that the dog has been put in a fighting pit its entire life, got a nice owner for 2 weeks, and then got put back in an even worse fighting pit where he’s horribly conditioned to exclusively bite and kill, and only 40 years later is he randomly set loose back in his nice owner’s old house.

2ha works in a way I like because the layers of who exactly is experiencing non-con (both sexual and otherwise) is a sort of little matryoshka doll reveal.

The most obvious—and one that everything revolves around—being Chu Wanning’s past life. He suffers the most straightforward abuse, he gives the most straightforward sacrifice. It’s very clear cut, and as a result you have a very comprehensive interplay of desire and fantasy. Dude essentially gets his rocks off to visions of his love interest as kindle unlimited alpha billionaire and it’s very clear that entertaining sex slave fantasy in the comfort of your own bed is not the same as experiencing IRL. Congrats Chu Wanning, you discovered BDSM scenes and submission! Surely that’s the extent of it for you and others (it’s not)

As for everyone else…

I can’t remember the exact quote but Mo Ran thinks about how as a child he was so poor that he never knew what he liked, and he didn’t actually have opinions on simple stuff like flavors or appearances or the gender of people because that was a luxury for the rich. It’s like that “maybe I would be nonbinary but I have a job” meme lmao . Wanting things, or not wanting them, or making decisions for yourself, is something that isn’t allowed for the poor. If you exist in a structure where you don’t even know what you want, you physically can’t.

Basically every other character who enacts or experiences noncon in all its strokes falls into this bucket. And it’s kind of the earliest instance we catch something explicitly laid out about consent beyond just strictly sexual, and how it very plainly lays out the definition of it as: any position where you do something you don’t want to do is noncon.

But you’re so distracted by the explicitly sexual dramatic yaoi discussions of attic wife sex dungeon noncon you don’t really give it much thought until later. But it’s crazy in retrospect because Meatbun gives us two characters who are a synthesis of these things—Rong Jiu and Song Quitong—really early on, who are both victims of poverty and as a result do and are subject to stuff that’s really terrible. Mo Ran just sucks bad and hates their guts so we’re a bit blind to it even though they came from really similar backgrounds (which kind of ties into a separate but equally interesting question Meatbun poses of if empathy and peace is something only afforded by people who are rich—Mo Ran wasn’t able to save earthworms until he was in a safe environment and had food in his belly).

The matryoshka doll goes further when we find out exactly what happened to Mo Ran, and THAT is what I love about it. That. Because very suddenly your entire idea of who the biggest victim in 2ha is goes from the very straightforward answer to one that’s significantly more complicated. Yes Chu Wanning is a victim but Mo Ran has been a victim since the moment he was born, and then in a brief heartbeat where he was allowed to grow and be kind, he was immediately subjected to the most violating horrific nightmarish thing could happen to him and dude STILL manages to hold some shred of humanity. I joke about Mo Ran being terrible and a piece of work and he is but my boy contains multitudes and he is also the nicest sweetest gentlest boy in the whole world who did nothing wrong (he did) (but also he didn’t) (but also he did) (but he—)

This plays a lot into a third character who I won’t say for spoilers but you’ll definitely know who I’m talking about if you’ve read the whole book!!

[dutifullyshamelessearthquake]

Y'know I created this identity, I created Earthquake, so I can freely write and share my brainrot over interests that make me self-conscious, namely sickfics.

Except now Earthquake has become more than just my anonymous self, I've made friends as Earthquake, people know me as Earthquake. And I find myself self-conscious, again, when I think about sharing other niche interests outside of sickfics.

Like the whole reason I have this anonymous identity is so I can explore and write for all my niche and (as considered by some) weird interests - yet I've actually been grappling for weeks now with the idea of creating another totally anonymous online identity, for other topics outside of my sickfic content. Because my weirdly-overthinking brain says "just like the sickfic content, this won't be everybody's cup of tea. And I don't want the readers here to be uncomfortable or think differently of me as Earthquake, just like I originally didn't want my irl friends to know about my sickfic interests."

It's a long and complicated thought process and I wanted to share it with y'all. Who knows, soon I might be existing under another username somewhere else too!

Today y'all learned Earthquake is a chronic overthinker.

Also I am not going anywhere, just for the record, and if I do decide to pursue other writing projects, they will not take time away from the fics I work on here - I enjoy them too much for that!

(for clarifying purposes, because again, overthinking, these interests do not include anything unethical or just purely wrong. It's no weirder than my interest in writing sickfics, it's just. Something I worry about being judged for.)

[kpchrs]

I think between shippers (and this is me saying this, an outsider to both ships) there’s Def the nagging voice saying “Coriolanus sucks irl” in everyone’s mind

So that’s Def a part of the civility in my opinion. Like why fight when the main guy in your ship is the worst guy alive. Bonding moment IG lol

LMFAO You are so right, Anon. Bonding moment for real. As some people in the post's comment said, "we both share the toxic blond" and also "we're trauma-bonded".

But I think it's not really a nagging voice. We all know Coriolanus Snow fucking SUCKS. If you compile all of my thoughts about him from everywhere, the majority is me clowning on him actually. I want to do violence to him.

It's funny, and I'm sorry for the out of topic, but this...wish makes me fantasising about a "Coriolanus Snow & Conscience!Reader" Crack AU. I've told some of my friends but just for fun I will tell a little bit here:

Okay, the premise is right in Chapter 1, we the readers/the fans whatever you wanna call us, get inside his head and it's up to us to try to put him on a good(?) path. (Emphasis on TRY.) Or actually, it's just an excuse or catharsis for us, especially me, to clown him in his head tho, because his thoughts are so deranged, yeah? It will be fun to mock him, tease him, and "scold" him, and we will bicker a lot, and he can't do aaanything about it.

So it's like this (below has some real excerpt of Chapter 1 of the book [page 3-4] but switched to present tense):

This morning he went to her room at daybreak, only to find both his cousin and the shirt missing. Not a good sign. [...] He thinks of people putting a price on her. With her long, pointed nose and skinny body, Tigris is no great beauty, but she has a sweetness, a vulnerability that invites ab-- NOOOOOOOOO! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT YOUR OWN COUSIN?! The voice -- scream -- comes out of nowhere and echoes very near in his ears (inside him?). To say it surprises Coriolanus is an understatement. Grabbing on air, he fails to stop himself from slipping and falling on his bottom.

Lol.

I'm not sure I want to write it because writing, even more in English, is daunting, but it's really fun to think about. It will be on the Snowbaird route, though. I imagine we will follow his love story with Lucy Gray, but I think...we will unfortunately fight over her.

LOOK! At Lucy Gray's arrival, The Voice screeches annoyingly loud in his head. It's my girl! Even after weeks, Coriolanus still hasn't decided if The Voice is a crazy part of him or an entirely separate entity somehow attached to his mind. However, the possessive term it used tugs the wrong string deep in his chest. Whether it makes sense or not, he hisses at it, 'She's not your girl.' The brief silence that follows is the most peace he gets these recent days. Oh shit, you are jealous. 'I am not.' You totally are. Just like with Billy Taupe. C'mon, I'm inside your head. I know. 'I am not.' Listen, Coryo-- 'Stop calling me that.' --just accept that Lucy Gray is everyone's girl, okay? She's my girl. She's not really just yours. 'Who in the Gem of Panem is everyone? Who even are you?' I can't tell you that. It's against the rules. 'What rules?!' Uh-uh, still can't tell. Give it up already, Coryo. Coriolanus is losing his mind. He has had a talking creature inside his head for weeks and it is just now he truly feels he is losing his mind.

Lol. Writing is hard, huh. Okay, I'm not sure this is categorised as a character & reader fic now that I used third person, not second person pov, but eh xD

I'm willing to talk about it more though, if anyone is interested!

Thank you for the ask and the space to bullshit, Anon!

[touchoffleece]

Reflecting back over the last few years of AO3 and why it was made in the first place (to archive fan works) and older fanfic enjoyers trying to warn about purges of days gone by

It feels ironic that we're now experiencing a new fanfic purge in some sense. Either authors are trying to hide their works for a sense of control over unwanted AI Scalping in AO3 because of it's success as the best place for fanfiction hosting. Meaning unregistered or people not logged in won't be able to find fanfictions because they are behind a curtain now essentially "purging fics" from the public. Not that I blame any author who chooses to do this, I actually am pro authors doing what they feel they need to. I've decided to private fics because I really don't even like the idea of it possibly happening to my shoddy drabbles if it hasn't already and feeding into the misuse of AI by people looking for easy money. Or we see this other type of 'fanfiction purge'. New generation of fic readers being more demanding of free passion projects to the point of being rude, and driving the authors to stop writing, or even have authors publicly state the increase in considering just deleting their works because of the shift in attitude in what fic readers decide to comment under works. This observation made from looking at comments of newer fandoms (be it ao3 comments or social medias) and seeing more and more comments just be "update soon!" (and those comments only ask for more) or some veiled demand for more content under the guise of 'a joke demand for more'. And while there is nothing wrong with letting a author know you like the story and would like to read more, when it's just constant "more" comments with no acknowledgement of anything that goes on in the story/update it comes off as dismissive of the work someone put into an update. It sucks to see people act entitled to demand more from fanfic authors who are generally associated with distress but willing to put updating a fanfiction above irl commitments because of the love they hold for their fanwork, only to get asked for more and more. We have seen and know of the memes, but hey: fanfiction writers are humans, humans with emotional limits regardless of outlandish sounding some author's notes come off of to people without context. Entitled comments more likely then not lead to burn out, or authors just deciding to stop writing or decide to take their works down to not feel harassed by people asking for more. I really don't know many creative oriented people who take constant demands for more and more work without some type of reward well; and while some might try and ask "Aren't comments in themselves a feel good reward for the authors? Isn't that enough?" It probably depends on the author, but when the comments are just constant "more!" "I need the next update now!" ect, it doesn't give much feel good vibes after the initial "oh someone liked what I wrote" because more often then not they will wonder "I wonder what they liked about it" only to see the comments are just people rushing to order more free fanwork to be devoured as fast as possible without appreciation to what was already shared to the public for free. This has turned into a venting rant from what I originally had thought when I got the thought in my head late at night, but I do want to include that this probably can be linked back to people underappreciating or being apathetic about comparative literature, media literacy, or just appreciate taking art and doing some deep thinking on it, and it's a damn shame it seems it has lead to what feels like a new fanfiction purge in a place meant to be a safe space for fanfictions. Another example of history repeating itself because of complacency and forgetting or choosing to ignore our past mistakes.

[sleepymccoy]

I've been writing quite a lot of mcspirk this week. It's a fun mini challenge, I'm trying to do three, each as one where they start as a different pair and envelope the third.

This post got long and rambly, contains my difficulties writing poly ships as a monogamous person. Putting it under the cut, but feel welcome to read and respond if you have thoughts ❤️❤️

The first one came about pretty naturally cos it was spirk with like a plan of action to woo McCoy and it works, ya know. That was fine. Also it was McCoy pov and he's not in the relationship so he's okay being a bit sweet on both cos it's all made up and not happening anyway. Until it suddenly does happen

I'm onto mckirk now and I'm struggling!

I'm naturally monogamous to the point where I don't think I've ever even had a crush on two people at once. If I'm dating someone and I develop a crush on someone else I either talk myself out of it or wait a couple weeks to see if I go back to liking my partner, or I just end the relationship. I've ended at least two relationships cos I fell for someone else and it overtakes my romantic interests completely. And I don't like my thoughts to be unfaithful.

I really don't feel good writing McCoy pov, dating kirk, aware he also has a crush on Spock. That just seems like awful boyfriend behaviour to my monogamous self, so I haven't done that. He doesn't know he has a crush

So, the mckirk to mcspirk plot I've got is much messier. Mckirk have to overcome some failure to communicate in their relationship before they can realise they both want Spock too, but I also kind of want it to happen quickly. I think I'm likely to end up with a real jealousy fic with pseudo cheating (that gets forgiven and recontextualised later after a chat, but at the time it's real) that resolves with mcspirk but I also wonder if that kind of thing is just so far from what a poly person feels that it isn't reasonable to write. Or if it's actually entirely reasonable, but then the poly stuff feels like a band-aid fix that wouldn't actually happen irl cos betrayal is too rough. Or if I'm over thinking the poly thing cos I'm not poly and the idea of juggling two partners just doesn't work for me so I've othered it all too much.

I dunno

Anyway I just kinda want to type it out and think about it. If anyone has thoughts feel free to share

What I've got rn is mostly Jim forcing the plot to move towards poly, but McCoy's the pov and his internal thinking is very monogamous. Cos he's in a pre existing relationship and he won't cheat, so any thoughts about Spock play as either shameful or something he's ignoring. And it seems like it's a shame to write anything but Jim's pov since he's the one spearheading change, but if I wrote Jim I'd have Bones doing the work cos I really struggle to go through the thought process. It's easier to write the reacting pov

The whole thing's just not quite the right vibe yet, cos it's such a hard switch to go from shame to relief like that. There's stuff in this story that I just wouldn't forgive in my relationships that's presented as such a positive in this one. But I also know it's true for other people so I wanna try and understand a little

That's probably why I'm trying to write it!

This is gonna be on my mind all evening, I can just tell

Help lol

[trash-gobby]

✨🦇 Trash Gobby Intro 2.0 🦇✨

AO3: severenvansickle

Ways of Supporting me

Ko-Fi Link!!!

Redbubble: DreamScapeSev7n

Hello! I am trash_gobby, also known as trash. I kinda disappeared for a really long time from this tumblr account, only really showing up in small spurts to post or reblog stuff.

I've been dealing with a LOT of personal stuff that has made it really hard for me to keep up with this blog in general. Not for lack of desire. What's been going on in my personal life isn't really something I want to share here or anywhere regardless of my anonymity. Needless to say it's been rough and now things have really started to improve for me. I've even gotten published in an indie published anthology which was a real special thing for me.

Now I've been focusing a lot on my original works of fiction and improving things personally. I still want to post here. However, I won't be taking requests anymore and will be reformatting my content around posting only fanfics or headcanons which I will come up with. There are some stuff which people have requested in the past which I may consider working on if the mood strikes me.

A lot has changed for me in the past two years so I want to focus more on content which personally interests me right now.

There will most likely be a follow up post which goes into more detail about formatting and how things are gonna be organized once I've actually found time to devise a proper system for my old works. It might take a while though, considering I'm working full time now, and also doing a lot of important life stuff outside this blog.

Rules

1. I will DON’T encourage anyone who interacts with NSFW content who is underage.

2. Be respectful!!! No hate speech allowed (this includes anything transphobic, homophobic, transphobic, racist, fatphobic, antisemitic, ableist, Islamophobic etc.)

3. Constructive criticism is ALWAYS WELCOME!! This is a place where I want people to feel welcome to give respectful critiques of my work as I’m always trying to improve.

4. I won't be writing things from specific fandoms I've grown a certain sourness towards (usually because of the person who is in charge and not the fandom itself). I.e. Harry Potter is a bit of a sore spot for me and I have no interest in writing for it (I don't have an issue with others doing so since it's not up to me what others write and I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion and feelings about a fandom or work).

5. Relating to rule 2. - please don't bring any anti-palestinian sentiments to this space (this is not an invitation for others to be anti-Semitic so don't get things twisted. I support Judaism and the right for Jewish people to exist in peace and security within ALL countries and to be able to self determine. I think the same rights should also be extended to the Palestinian people who have been ignored by many and have had their rights and humanity stripped from them). This is not the blog of a Zionist and I would encourage others to follow or unfollow accordingly. Free Palestine 🇵🇸

✨ What I Write!!: Fluff, Headcanons, platonic/friendships, NSFW, Dating/SFW, LGBTQ+, tragedy/angst, crossover, reader x insert, character x character, mini-fics, character preferences

✨ What I WON’T write: p*dophelia, r*pe/non-con, tortue p*rn, BDSM that’s to outside of my comfort zone, b*astiality, incest, raceplay

Fun Facts About Me

1. I crochet lots of things for fun

2. I am a gender gremlin

3. My favourite all time characters are Severen (Near Dark 1987), Bishop (Aliens 1986), David (TLB 1987)

4. I am a huge A24 movie studio fan, because I am a pretentious film school graduate (I'm not a fan of Christopher Nolan or Quentin Tarantino though. Which I guess means I'm not as pretentious as I thought?? 🤔)

5. I have an AO3 account which has more stuff on it then this blog.

6. I am an aspiring author with a short story already published in a small indie press anthology (won't name here because my irl name is in the anthology). Little Ghost Books is the publisher though, and I would encourage y'all to check them out if you like 2SLGBTQIA+ horror often published indie and major horror titles. They are very worth it 💖

Masterlist for works

[flora-tea]

Update [8/18/2024] Decided to update this again after a year! And still so incredibly pleasantly surprised by all the positive attention it’s gotten! Thank you all again so much!! <3

💚:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:💚

Some rambling on my aro awakening journey!

I was inspired by a poll on aro peoples' feelings on romance. This is, in a way, my long-winded indirect way of answering the poll. I apologize for the length but I hope some can possibly relate to my experience!

I’ve found that I experience feeling romance-indifferent, romance-averse, and romance-repulsed. I'm averse/repulsed in relation to myself and indifferent-to-repulsed in relation to others & fiction; it can be random or situational!

I appreciate affection & intimacy in general; including things like cuddling, kissing, flirting, etc… but if a romantic relationship/attraction is the context, I may feel apathy or uncomfortable. The discomfort is consistent when it comes to myself, but in relation to others & fiction these feelings and their levels may vary by the day or context?

Side note: * No gesture/act is inherently romantic. Nothing is inherently romantic; it all depends on the context and intentions of those involved. A friendship for instance can involve any act of affection or intimacy and still be platonic if those in the friendship deem it so. The intentions and communication between the people involved is the only thing that determines what things mean. This was something I learned on my journey that is very significant to me <3

💚:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:💚

For a long time, I've often felt either apathetic or weirdly uncomfy when hearing folks talk about their romantic relationships, whether irl or about fictional characters. This was and still is especially felt if the people or characters are romantically engaged/married, as my mind has an especially uncomfortable relationship with marriage. I experience very strong marriage repulsion.

I couldn’t define my unpleasant feelings about these things for the longest time. For so long, I wondered if it was jealousy. Yet, through all my experiences with romantic relationships, I found things felt pretty good and right until romantically dating was actually being established or in the conversation; I’d feel progressively detached and anxious. Still, I clung and pushed. I wanted to be desired affectionately. I chased what I was convinced was a love and yearning for romance. But deep down, I longed for days of being close and affectionate with platonic context.

I’d think: “Maybe we moved into this too fast…”, even if years passed and things were going well. I wondered if something was wrong with me or if I "just had commitment issues".

💚:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:💚

A weird thing is (not weird in general; peoples’ feelings can be fluid/change over time!), I thought I loved romance for so long. I felt I loved the idea of romance for myself and in fiction. I even had favorite ships growing up and was a big shipper in general. Even so, looking back, the vibe I imagined was always primarily 'affectionate besties' and I often imagined the characters describing themselves as best friends and emphasis being put on their friendship, even while imagining them sharing gestures typically perceived as romantic by society. But I’d always feel progressively apathetic or averse after/if a romantic ship became canon. And when reading romantic fics (always slow-burns), I’d love it up to the point their relationship became an explicitly-stated romantic relationship; then I’d often start to feel detached. I never understood why. I was so confused at myself. It was always so strange to me how my feelings changed.

*Additionally, when it comes to fiction/media:

I always felt notably happy and comfy if characters continued referring to each other as friends after kissing or cuddling or anything else intimate/affectionate 

I liked when characters had what people call "romantic tension" or moments but the relationship remained considered platonic or ambiguous.

I often thought or felt the least about song lyrics with 'love songs', or I'd imagine the lyrics to be about best friends. (lately, I've found queerplatonic-ing/platonic-ing love songs in my head to be very comforting)

💚:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:💚

I had such strong epiphanies when I was inspired to read more about the aromantic spectrum and discovered the existence of relationship anarchy and queerplatonic relationships and tertiary attractions, and after I finally became aware of the Amatonormativity that was drilled into my mind since childhood.

I realized how amatonormative phrases like “just friends” and “more than friends” and “finding ‘the one’ someday” and so much about our language and common conversations about relationships chained relationships to a hierarchy with monogamous romance on a pedestal & continuously shoved into my brain this idea that romance was ‘the ultimate relationship’, that it was ‘the strongest/closest relationship a person could have’, that a relationship needed to be a romantic relationship for there to be intimacy and affection, that certain affectionate acts were inherently romantic, that ‘being in love’ could only happen with romantic attraction, that a romantic relationship was ‘the goal’, that having (a) partner(s) was only possible with a romantic relationship, that romance was 'the ultimate devotion'.

The amatonormativity constantly shoved onto us by society skewed my views on intimacy and relationships (and myself) for so long. To acknowledge that and contemplate on my realizations, to unlearn amatonormativity, to redefine how I thought about relationships and intimacy, and to learn about the vast diversity of feelings and relationships and possibilities that exist...it was amazing. It was liberating.

I also had a realization that brought me so much clarity: All this time, it wasn’t really romance I wanted, it wasn’t romance I loved or longed for. It was affection. It was intimacy. It was trust. It was these things, and with no romantic label chained to them.

Then, I realized I was free.

And it was so clear to me now.

What I've wanted all along is friendship. Loving, intimate, valued, lifelong friendship. 💚:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:💚

Last side notes: * My type of relationship & living situation daydream is having a home with a garden and small group of polyaffectionate friends af;sgds *dreamy sigh* Oh to live the poly queerplatonic cottagecore life...🥺 * I feel most comfy with the idea affection/intimacy in ’tertiary attraction’ contexts like platonic, queerplatonic, alterous, and nebulous/ambiguous. This has even lead to me making all my ocs the same way :3 (they've all been hit with the aro beam btw xD) With reality and fiction, the thought of intimately affectionate besties who'd confuse the heck out of much of our society brings me joy. I'd love to see more of that in the world 💚

[being-so-normal-about-reploids]

Hewwwoo again

Imma ask ya a silly question and that is what inspired ya to create the worldbuilding surrounding the Reploid language thang on ur fic? I’m pretty curious of the process behind it?

The general idea kind of came partly from 68:Hazard:Cold by Janelle Shane, which is hella good and free to read right there, and partly from secret languages and pidgins and the way language is part of identity IRL.

I got to thinking, you know, I've seen a lot of fandom takes that reploids have some way of communicating wirelessly, but like...would they actually? As computers, it makes sense, but as people, given everything that's happened with the Maverick Wars, humans are going to be very paranoid if reploids had telepathy with each other but not them. I actually don't think they'd be given a way to secretly talk to each other at way higher speed than speech. So they usually don't by default have wifi or radio or anything, unless they're in a role where an equivalent human would have something like that.

But it does make sense that they'd have some limited-scope way to communicate for repair reasons even if they couldn't speak, and so I thought, a dictionary of internal codes is a reasonable compromise, because it's not language itself. For security reasons you'd really want to limit that ability otherwise you could have viruses and such being broadcast. (Which happened anyway, it still wasn't secure enough, but in-world that was the idea initially, and it was industry standard to include. Security got better but standards are hard to change.)

There are all kinds of languages in real life like various cants and such that historically people have invented to communicate secretly but in plain sight. People always come up with something like that. You basically can't stop them. And since reploids are just people, essentially, they would absolutely have come up with some way to communicate that was specific to them, because they're basically a subculture and those are very much about social signaling via how you communicate. And as a subculture that's basically being oppressed, having some way to talk without The Man hearing you is even more important to them.

So with all that taken together, I figured, yeah no if they had any means of generating a signal at all, they'd have found a way to make it into a language, because that's literally just what people have always done.

Story-wise it's a quick and effective way to show that hey, X has actually had very little interaction with this culture that he should belong to but hasn't really been allowed to be part of. He's got the general idea on how this language works, but he's not actually very good at it, whereas everyone around him is natively proficient by this time. There's this shared identity that he should have had, but life denied it to him. It very quickly marks him as an outsider to what should have been his people in a way that's pretty realistic and relatable but also distinctly sci-fi and not-really-human, which is the exact vibe I was going for with reploids in general.

(Also also, I'm a giant fucking language nerd and I can't resist throwing in a conlang where I can get away with it.)